Saturday, January 21, 2012

Funny Conversations at the Dinner Table Part 1

Hi! (62 more days till T.H.G. film. Booyah!)
Downtown Salem. Not far from where I live. 

So Salem is almost entirely underwater and I still need to finish up these dang blogs. Did you even remember the existence of this blog? That would surprise me considering it is taking me FOREVER to write this sucker out till the end.

Anyhow lets not drag this out...

Ha, do you even remember the name of the German lady I was staying with? Her name is Uta. She has three cats and a dog that smells like sheep crap.
Blurry Uta. 
Is this jogging your memory. I certainly hope so because guess what?
I am moving on.
So Uta, her dog (Lena), and I hopped into the car and by the way it was freezing that night. Absolutely freezing I tell you. Even if I whispered something, my breath made HUGE white clouds when it hit the icy air. I kept making these weird growling noises whenever I was outside or the minute I got into the car because of how cold it was. And the car seemed to take FOREVER to warm up. I started praying to Car Heating Gods to hurry the heck up because it was like Titanic in that car. 
This isn't me by the way...
Well, I was in the back seat actually, back with the smelly pooch, because we were picking up Uta's goddaughter.... who's name escapes me unfortunately. Sorry about this. I will just call her Liesel for now.
So, Liesel also has a dog. I know how to say the dog's name, but I am not sure I know how to spell her name. But here is what it sounds like: Ah-cha.
Cool name right?
She was just a puppy too. Very cute. She looked like a black version of Lassie.

Liesel (remember that's not really her name... haha) was about my age I think. At least she looked like it, but then again people tell me I look 14 and often question me this whenever I sit in the exit row of a SouthWest plane. Grrrrr...
Oh gosh I need to tell you something and here it is.... Lena is kind of crazy. Don't tell Uta this. Lena is one of those dogs who just HATES other dogs and will attack them. 
I really needed this cat in the car...

I was warned about this, but when Uta told me that Lena didn't like other dogs I thought she would just bark. 
Nope. Lena full on attacks them. And that is what she tried to do in the car. She tried to jump in the front seat and do what exactly? Rip Ah-cha's head off? I am not sure. But it was scary, especially since I was bitten on the neck by a dog as a young child and don't particularly like aggressive dogs. 
Lucky me, I got to sit right next to one. 
Well, Uta just smacked her and then she calmed down, but then she started breathing in my face, which made the whole carsick thing even worse. 
Ok, lets move on. What a long description for a freaking car ride. Jeez. 
I want to tell you something interesting about restaurants in Germany. It is NOT unusual for you to bring your dog in with you to eat and get this... they have stuff for dogs as well. I told Uta and Liesel that this is different for me because I have NEVER brought my dog or seen dogs taken into restaurants. One time while on the Oregon coast I was in this Chinese restaurant with my family and we heard a dog barking in the basement of the building. We all gave each other weird looks. My mom said something like: That's the sound of our dumpling soup! 
My mother is demented. No wonder I'm so screwed up. (I just like saying that because I really am screwed up. I have 5 screws in my lower vertebras.) 
Uta and Liesel were talking a lot and it was kind of awkward for me (who was sitting in the middle of them btw) because I don't understand German. It's an interesting language. Sometimes (and I REALLY don't mean to) I bust up giggling (I have giggling issues) because what they say sounds like a swear word in our language. 
I suck at holding in giggles...

It is like when my brother and I film movies, while he is editing he always plays my words backwards and ALWAYS finds a swear word in them. I am a swearing machine when my simple innocent words are played backwards. I feel so naughty. 
So yes there were these moments when they would glance at me after I had a little giggle fit. 
Uta is really awesome, though, because she doesn't leave you out. She interpreted for the both of us.
Now here is where our story gets funny...
See... hmmm... not that what I said in this conversation was inappropriate, but I just thought you should know that a lot of the times I don't have a filter for the things that come out of this cute little mouth of mine (haha "little" *rolls her eyes*). I don't know how I got on the subject of my horse, Mr. Red-a-Roo, but we did and of course I brought up the narcolepsy issue, which my horse unfortunately has. But Uta didn't know what that was, so I had to explain it to her. Then she played interpreter again and told Liesel that sometimes when I am off galloping in the woods behind my house my horse will sometimes collapse because he just falls asleep. It has happened four times. Twice while I was on him. Twice in the barn. Scariest thing ever. 
Well, as Uta was telling this to Liesel, Liesel was drinking her water and I really had no idea what part Uta was, but I eventually understood when Liesel slammed her glass down, choked on her water, and said: Oh shit. 
Funniest thing ever. 

This is going to sound REALLY gross because, um, well it is, but I peed my pants a little there. Totally serious. 
The food was spectacular that night. I had this snitzel (sp?) curry dish with this sweat and sour sauce and it was absolutely incredible. I ate EVERYTHING on my plate. EVERYTHING. It was SO good. I was very full and satisfied (No Michael Scott-ness here please...). Then the dogs got to eat some food too. Oh now I remember.... Uta couldn't finish her macaroni and cheese so she gave the rest to Lena. I don't know what it is about dogs eating off of plates, but it makes me nauseated. Same feeling I used to get as a kid whenever people would make-out in a film. 
Well, it was a really fun night and even though I couldn't really talk to Liesel we were still able to communicate through facial expressions and with the help of Uta. It was a hilarious night and I had a GREAT time. 
Ok that is all I have for tonight. The next dinner conversation is my all-time favorite one where my lack of a filter was a HUGE problem. So stay tuned. 
Bye and stay dry you Oregonians! 



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